Stress isn’t new news to anyone, we’ve had it since the dawn of time. I think the issue now is we are constantly bombarded with what others are doing and we have pulled the focus away from ourselves entirely. 

If you were to look at cavemen - you could say that having to hunt and gather their food in varying weather conditions with predators at their doors was probably more stressful than the experiences we have today. Not to say that our stress isn’t valid. What you feel is always valid, stress is relative. It’s important to understand that fact first - stress is relative. 

If I grew up homeless, my stress was at a different level than someone who grew up in a mansion. The key word there is DIFFERENT because I don’t know the extent of what happened under the roof of that person. How they were treated, if their parents were present. We can only TRULY know the extent of our own experiences, yet in today’s world we have access to the lives of millions of people in the palm of our hands. More so, it’s a life that they CHOOSE to show us. It’s curated and there is very little context. 

The difference between the caveman and us is perspective and connection. The perspective of a caveman is that they didn’t know anything outside of their current experience. Their personal experience. They woke up each day with a task that would impact the improvement and survival of their tribe. The connections were built off a foundation of interpersonal relationships. How each person functioned in the tribe, how they connected personally throughout the day, how they impacted each other in REAL ways, how they provided for each other, and how they challenged each other. If you’ve ever grown up in a small town, you know there is no hiding your dirt in a small community. There was no presenting a curated version of yourself, those skeletons always found their way right out into the streets. While that may not be a favorable experience, it is a REAL one and it allows others to feel connected in honest ways. It provides context to how and why people act the way they do. 

All of this is to say, we still experience some of the same (albeit on a much smaller scale) stresses as a caveman - can we put food on the table, a roof over our head, and protect ourselves? The key difference between the caveman and us is that we now have a word for it and access to millions of people curating headlines about a life or information that needs more context. While we cannot dismiss the fact that stress exists and can develop into worse issues like depression and anxiety, we cannot use the word as an excuse for why we don’t live life fully. 

So how do we reduce stress? I believe there are three main categories and within those there are tools we can use to improve ourselves and the way stress impacts us. 

IDENTIFY YOUR TRIGGERS

1. MENTAL NOTING - This is a meditation technique that teaches you to better understand how you feel about something. It’s simple - you make an internal note of how an experience is making you feel. For example, you’re scrolling instagram and (because you note all of your experiences now) you note that instagram is making you feel “tense”. There’s no shame in getting distracted but mental noting can reconnect you with yourself. You can make a decision on how to proceed from there. 

TURN YOUR FOCUS INWARDS

1. STAY ACTIVE - Exercise increases endorphins and other natural neurochemicals that can improve your overall mental health. It can also aid in refocusing your mind. Ever notice when you take a midday walk you feel motivated to finish the last leg of your day?

2. FUEL YOUR BODY - Unlike the caveman, we have a lot of over processed ingredients in our foods. I’m not telling you to diet, I’m telling you to educate yourself on what foods are best to keep your body functioning at optimal levels. Our bodies are our machines, if you don’t take care of them, they’ll rust and deteriorate. Sugar can lead to feeling sluggish, alcohol is a depressant, and refined carbs have been proven to lead to obesity and mood disorders. 

3. CONSUME LESS - The National Alliance on Mental Illness reported that research has shown that people who spend more time on social media and less time in personal interactions have an increased risk of anxiety and depression. Do you really need to be aimlessly consuming someone’s curated content that lacks context on their REAL experiences?

4. GO TO THERAPY - Professional counselors can help you identify your stressors and provide a tool kit to help you cope with them and manage them in real life. 

5. JOURNAL / MEDITATE - Meditation and journaling can help clear your mind and help you gain clarity around your thoughts and feelings. It helps you connect with yourself in an honest and real way. It grounds you and allows you to validate yourself without seeking outside approval. All in all - it builds confidence and trust in yourself. 

6. LIGHT A CANDLE - You had to have seen this coming. Lighting a scented candle can be the spark that helps set the mood in any space through aromatherapy. All of our fragrances are intentionally designed to improve your mental health through all five senses. Specifically, our CALM candle was formulated to lift your mood with notes of valencia orange, improve mental clarity with notes of sandalwood, and decrease stress with calming notes of coconut cream and vanilla orchid.

INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

1. LAUGH MORE - Laughter fires up and cools down your stress response. It stimulates circulation and muscle relaxation - which not only reduces some of the physical impacts of stress but it also helps blood flow. So go watch a funny movie, laugh with your friends, or go see some stand up. 

2. HONEST CONNECTION - Show up, get dinner, and have drinks. Want to laugh more - spend time with friends. An LOL over a text hits differently than an in-person belly laugh. Have you ever seen someone smile at something you said and feel warm inside? Go get that. Chase THAT feeling.

3. QUALITY OVER QUANTITY - If every follower you have on instagram was in your home telling you how to live your life or that you should do better you would probably implode. The opinions of the masses are none of your business. Shrink your circle, expand your trust in yourself, and develop long-lasting, real-life relationships. 

4. SET BOUNDARIES - Two things happen when you start to set boundaries, you gain confidence in yourself and your tribe (the one that was truly intended to stand by your side) start to show themselves. When you operate from a place of kindness and with good intentions there is NOTHING that will keep the people who are meant for you from standing by your side. The stress of not knowing who is in your corner or how they feel about you will melt away. 

5. PROBLEM SOLVE - In relationships and in life,  it’s so important to identify the problem and find the solution. Have you ever had a hard conversation and found that afterward, even if the conversation didn’t go the way you wanted, it gave you peace to know exactly where you stand? By taking action and communicating with kindness we can make decisions for ourselves, build confidence, and reduce the stress of not knowing the result. 

6. JOIN A LEAGUE OR A CLUB - Connecting over teamwork or common interests is such an impactful way to feel connected and be part of something bigger than yourself. My favorite moment is when a friend of mine got roped into kickball with her guy friends. She is not a sports type but as she put it “I kicked the ball and I RAN!” and that made her feel really happy and she had a lot of fun doing it. 

7. GIVE BACK - Often when we give back, we feel more joy than the person receiving our gift. We’re not telling you to give selfishly, but we are telling you that by giving back to something bigger than ourselves it gives us purpose and makes us feel like we have a real impact in making someone or something feel better. 

Now you know... stress is something we can control. It's a daily practice and no one said it was easy but it means a better life for you and the people in your life.